Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The Struggle

"Excuse me sir I'm Dell Boston from the Bostonian and I wonder if you could tell our listeners why you are down here on the docks protesting the new union contract especially since it was ratified by an overwhelming majority of voting union members two weeks ago."
"They Lied."
"Who Lied?"
"Them Who?"
"The Guys Upstairs"
"Why would they lie?"
"That's what they do they're liars."
"Can you be more specific?"
"If it's a three handle Gucci knockoff we are recreating the union contract stated that counted as a bag and a half which is how we meet performance baselines, by "bags" in 5 specific size ranges. Furthermore if we exceed these baselines there are performance bonuses which for many members is the extra oomph in their paycheck that helps them make the decision to keep little Timmy in the family or leave him at the ER with his PlayStation, Again."
"I See."
But really I did'nt.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Playa del Rintintin

"Do you have a Mexico Dog? because that looks like a Mexico Dog and as so an example of a dog whose genes are identical to dogs that once roamed the holy lands with the crusaders."

"Before dogs were bred they were first just fed so they hung around, they got to like fire and fresh meat leftovers. As long as they didn't bite the humans too much and barked whenever the wind blew which kept the furry humans on their toes it was cool for dogs to hang around and chill with the beta version humans. Some of the braver ones crept into a humans warm tent or cave on a cold night, and even they though they had fleas so did the humans so nobody cared and it was warmer all around. A family began to naturally include dogs which was fine but then the Europeans began breeding them all which a ways which really fucked things up for dogs, evolutionarily speaking of course."

" So you see why it is so significant to see this fine example of a Mexico Dog who has in his recent genetic memory flashback images of running down slaves in the jungle with the foot soldiers of Inca Kings."

"They are generally skinny living on scraps and the stray chicken or two "done in" in secret. In color they tend to match the dust of the area in which they reside. They have skinny snouts, pointed ears similar to ridge backs but less beefy, never more than about 50 pounds, you've seen one you've seen them all, Mexico Dogs"

"Command them with respect my friend for they are full of wily cunning even as they sleep in the shade 18 hours a day, they are thinking plotting and planning , but in a very relaxed way, I might add. Conserving energy then slinking off when the time is right to carry out their instinctively driven assassinations, there are some that say they hold elections and have a court of law."

"I would watch them my friend and learn as we have done to respect and honor the Mexico Dog lest his wrath befall us and oh what a mighty wrath it is. El Presidente? You will never ever in your life see him so much as sneer at a Mexico Dog. He knows what they are doing for him, by sitting under a hot tin roof staring out with blackest brown eyes from the back of a tiny shack just past the short swath of jungle screen for the tourists in Ixtapa. He knows the power that these ancient guerrilla wolves are holding in check so that his kind can pretend to rule."

"Which is why nobody really counts the chickens as long as there's enough to go around the Mexico Dogs are satisfied to rule by remote control. Oh and by the way I dig them I get what they are saying, mi comprendo, but I can't tell you because The Lazy Gang of Our Lady Anoche Distrito Federal has sworn to me to a nondisclosure agreement about any data in any format remotely connected to any Mexico Dog." Add Image

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

danger, excitement, and crime

Heyoka and a fond farewell to all the burning flying failures haunting the airwaves tonight. My brethren you know what I mean when I say times are lean. Our syndicates will be in disarray if we squabble over crumbs now. Not many will be left as it is and LE's on our payroll are squalking about making more with overtime than the vigorish so why the hassle. People are ya ready for the sunset of the modern day criminal or is this the beginning of brand new era of lick hitting and trick splitting. I know what your answer will be for it will come in your tribute and if you have it to spare in the agreed upon amount then I will understand if there are no bonus or surcrease high percentage lots of invisible preferred stock for the time being. If it is less than the agreed upon amount that you dain to offer me I will ask you to kindly dig into your savings until they are exhausted and then you can bring all your families to live in my compound as guests of my house until the overdue tithes are repaid with interest. Only the men with true street mastery will survive the coming onslaught which is why I must also ask you not to put your money into CD's and report to federal prison thinking it will be better than owing me a penny. Lotta sacred clowns in the CDC too just trying to pay a mortgage and mama's varicose vein treatment, they will sell you to my insiders for the down payment on a bass boat. When my sons leave Oakland to walk among you, hungry as wolves with twice the cunning you will know my wrath in a way that no software upgrade will ever make right again. Their entree' into your high walled fields will be child's play for them, you will like them better than you do your own brother as they take everything you ever had and thought you might have including the love of your family. Better sell those burdens you've been carrying and try to step up if you want to stay in the game this time, my brothers. Are you feeling thirsty yet? Well you will be, and I'll be the only man with a hose that works in town, maybe even worldwide because I rise like that. The loyal ones who have heeded my demands will get water in abundance and the lazy dogs will die of thirst. That is a fact of life, which is why I urge each and everyone of you (who I do think of as children) to do your best to steal as much as you can from whoever you can as fast as you can so you can stay safe in our little family. Well I think you get the picture, this is Concealment Commander Godmother Blanco IV saying goodnight and God Bless.
End of Broadcast.
The lovely mothers voice was heard blaring over the Tuluum police frequency every night at 9pm for the past seven days, corresponding with the annual parking lot feast feast at Yardbirds Crime Tech Superstore in El Camino. In non productive news today there is a report of unphotoshoppable graffitti that appeared on the Pepper Slaves United Biactivistic temple stairs that appears to be a link to the website of an undergound unitist cell expressing audio deviancy in unacceptable quad cam equation levels according to local athoritays.