Wednesday, February 20, 2008

when the drugs aka junk foods stop working

It's a sad day when
Little Debbie Zebra Cakes
lose their magic ability to comfort a troubled soul. Stuffing them down with a double espresso was my drug of choice and typical breakfast for many a moon. As long as I was riding a bicycle 200 plus miles a week my sugar jones only affected my mood and the hydrogenated oils clogged my arteries, but I didn't care. I was used to the slash and burn mood swings of a junk food junkie. I saw it as a right and privilege to indulge this way I mean I'm not hurting anybody right? Unfortunately like any good addict I found ways to cause collateral damage with foodstuffs. I was as petulant as a 3 yr old if I didn’t get my sugar fix. Planning ahead to make sure there was Rainbow Flavored Nerds and Chubby Hubby ice cream at the house, enough to get me through another night of my living hell of a marriage. Maybe if I had taken that stuff away I wouldn't have put up with so much abuse and BS. Then again maybe not, all I know now is that comfort foods are not working and I lost close to 40 lbs this past summer. When I try to fantasize about a big steak dinner at Black Angus I just get sick to my stomach. That is sad but then again heroin stopped working too, what are ya gonna do. Many of my post illegal drug use addictions have fallen by the wayside, food, porn, gambling, Counter Strike, Unreal Tournament, cigarettes (a long time ago), cigars etc. Oh I still eat, sometimes its junkish, sometimes I check out "pron" (and with the open minded females I date watching it with them really takes away the furtive taboo shame I once reveled in), sometimes I buy a 1 dollar scratcher ticket, (but never a Super Lotto I don’t want to win a million dollars, believe it or not), but I never play video games anymore. None of it allows me to wallow in escapism, something has changed and I am more comfortable than ever in my own skin so I don’t need "comfort" foods as much as I once did. Goodbye Little Debbie our May-December romance was never meant to be.

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