So I added another woman to the list of females that don't want to talk to me again ever. This may be my new forte. I'm a mess and throwing that mess onto someone else plate seems shameful, dishonorable even. I may not be right for some time to come. Thing is you don't know how fucked up you really are until you start relating to someone and the ghosts of marriages past begin to creep in fostering resentments towards people who are being just as sweet as they can be. Evil incarnate in the form of reactions to past abuses that no longer occur unless I have to be in the presence of the abuser. Ironically "she" is an emotional abuse perpetrator who makes her living "helping" people, how nice. My toxicity level is too high and that's frustrating, I am left wondering if I want to be in an intimate relationship at all ever again. I suspect I am not alone in this belief as I cruise the interwebs seeking connection with other lost souls. Such a,small comfort to know you are not alone in a dynamically digitally interconnected society of loners. Ahh yes "Alone Again Naturally."
To all and sundry I apologize from the bottom of my shrapnel laden heart.
1 comment:
no one mentioned,
intimated,
implied, or suggested that
there was a permanent moratorium
on
contact
but you see
as you can
certainly understand
when someone
advises you that they cannot do a particular emotional tango with you
sitting down for a friendly tea
is not the first agenda item
especially when what you do not want to do
is clear
but what you do want to do
is not.
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